And the Biggest Idiot Award Goes to....

Obviously me. Another example of why I should not be let out onto the general public because of my personality: I can piss off my friends. Or actually, friend. I get along fine with E, K, J, A, and S. Now on the other hand, G is my polar opposite. Conflicting personalities and the like. But I'm not gonna blame her for this. She may not say it, but I can tell she is pissed off at me and definitely does not want to talk with me. Evidence A: She knows I am right behind her and she speeds up so she doesn't have to talk with me. Evidence B: She says she has to go to Spanish class early so we can't talk. Evidence C: I asked her if her mum was available to interview and she said that Saturday would have been the best time for me to do so, which I didn't.Then I said I got her message on Sunday and she said J called me about this halloween party,which, I might add, I could not go because 1:I hate parties and 2: I had math homework. And she said this all in her accusing, "I'm not talking to you" tone. And that, my friends, really hurts me the most. I can understand the ignoring part, but the accusingness really hits me hard. I bet a psychologist would say it's some deep-seated fear of being rejected and hated because of some past event in my childhood that's scarred me and made me insecure. I say it's the fact that I don't want my only best friend in high school hating me for my procrastination. I know we don't agree on everything and we certainly don't think the same, but ever since high school started, she's been acting different. Me, I'll always be the kid that laughs at everything no matter how dumb it is and forgets everything and finds a flaw in everything. That's one thing that hasn't changed. It's like...everything around me is constantly changing and here I am, the same person who acts the same and looks the same. And especially nowadays, everything changes so fast that I want some kind of constant in my life, and that is my friends. This all started out when I had high expectations for our homecoming hallway only to realize it wasn't as great as the juniors. I shouldn't expect so much, but I did. And that's what gets me every time. I expect a lot and then end up letting myself down. I made one comment on how our hallway kinda sucked, and I could tell G was pissed. She said it might've been better if I came to a meeting. I really didn't mean it to sound like that, but I had the foot-in-mouth syndrome. It was okay, I mean, they put in a lot of work to make that football goal and stuff. It just needed something more. I couldn't really get the MTV connection so that's why I said what I said. Misunderstandings are what causes friendships to collapse. K gets me, she and I think on the same wavelength. G and I used to think on the same wavelength sometimes. Now, she's all serious and I'm trying to keep things light. Not exactly the best situation. Only I can make a situation go bad. That's me, the failure. Every relationship I've had has failed and most of my friendships have withered out. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.It seems like everyone hates me now. I had another row with my mum because of the same project that's caused my friendship with G to die. My mum blames me for not doing it, G blames me for being the callous person I am, dude, I blame myself for everything bad that's happened. This is just the worst FUBAR I've ever made. And now I'm debating on whether I should pretend to interview a spanish person just to get a grade or go on what I know about G's mum and do the report on her. Either way, I'm sorta making something up and I'm afraid somehow someone will find out. I feel really bad, and that's an understatement right now. And I would tell K about this, but she's got enough to worry about and this'll just get messy. Some sadistic part of me feels I deserve to feel so cruddy and part of me wishes someone wouldn't put me down so much. God, I can only go so far without breaking under pressure. I nearly broke when I got home because of all this weight, and it isn't even near midterms. This just reminds me of a quote,"Now is the time to decide between what is right, and what is easy." I just wish that friends always sticked together no matter what is said or done.